That Which Falls, Has No Saving Grace.

This week has probably been the busiest week to date; 2 presentations, 2 papers to be thinking about (and of course doing 1), multiple people heading into the city from school etc. But despite all this happening, I just feel as if it's all passed in one massive smokescreen. 

I can't remember anything, there isn't one finite detail I can recollect that means anything. Is this how it's meant to be? That we're all hardened to routine so much that even meeting with friends is reduced to nothing more than an intangible  memory? Perhaps it's just my pre-exam season anxiety, perhaps it's a phase that will pass after the weekend, perhaps it's something profound and life-long.

Whatever it is, I don't like it. 'Indifference is the worse thing anyone can feel', as i fondly recollect my mother telling me at a young age. But it's like as if it's inbuilt to our nature...whether in exhibiting a polite tendency to  go with the status quo or plainly because we're just not bothered.

Life at 19 shouldn't be this nonchalant. I mean, where the hell is the energy? Where is the passion to live, to breathe, to desire? Oh how passive we are to the moment yet so keen to tune ourselves into the power of retrospect. I remember something myself and Cheryl typed to Meagan whilst tipsy the other night and although whilst tipsy, it inspires, 'Live as such without regret and love like you mean it'. 

Breaking free of the tendency to be indifferent and drawing closer to my purpose is definitely going to be hard work but fulfilling once I crack the nut. All i know, is that i do not want to surrender my life to painstaking sadness, a life of stoicism and complete removal from the ability to be compassionate.